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Of course, these choices brought the addict much pain, and now post-recovery, he or she must tolerate a temporary loss of autonomy, sharing with a therapist, a 12-step group sponsor and even a support group the everyday minutia of their dating process.Here the addict may long to keep just one or two secrets, but to do so would be counterproductive to the entire recovery process.Dating is a numbers game, the more potential spouses you meet, the better chance you have of finding a good one.Unfortunately too many people give up looking too quickly.Sex addiction is an obsessive relationship to sexual thoughts, fantasies or activities that an individual continues to engage in despite adverse consequences.These thoughts, fantasies or activities occupy a disproportionate amount of “psychic space,” resulting in an imbalance in the person’s overall functioning in important areas of life, such as work and marriage.Likewise for the woman who always seems to get involved with unavailable, married men, a truly present, drama-free suitor can be deemed ‘boring.’ These unique challenges can be overcome, of course, but the sex addict will have their work cut out for them. The sex addict is used to instant gratification, and may not have the patience to invest in a long term relationship that builds gradually through shared interests and time spent getting to know one another.
If an individual meets three or more of these criteria, he or she could be considered a sex addict: Sometimes, it’s difficult to know whether someone close to you has an addiction.Common scenarios that lead to dating despair include the emotionally needful woman consistently getting her heart broken by getting serious or sexual too quickly with the wrong guys.Or just as problematic, the superficial or inexperienced dater who, using dating as a metaphor for casual sex, ultimately becomes more skilled with the Kama Sutra than in forming meaningful partnerships. Gay or straight, male or female, those who are serious about the mating game can expect to date as many as 25 or more different people in any given year before the right one shows up.It is a maladaptive way to compensate for this early attachment failure.Addiction is a symbolic enactment of deeply entrenched unconscious dysfunctional relationships with self and others.